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...quotes from November 4 that didn’t make it to print
by: Vince Bergado
10. “You call that socialism?”
9. “I wish that girly-man was in our party.”
8. “I’m not gay or anything, because, like, I don’t believe in that, but damn, he is the best looking president ever.”
7. “But, gosh darnit, I was a sexy strong woman, all out there on display. I don’t understand why more women didn’t swing my way. I’m a poet, you betcha.”
6. "I’ve been saying all along it was going to be close, and look, it’s now 10PM Eastern and they still haven’t called it."
5. “I’m going to miss those negative ads.”
4. “I never thought Americans could be so ageist.”
3. “You know what this campaign needed? More death threats.”
2. “Wow. And still tens of millions of people decided to stay home”
1. “I knew the terrorists would win!”
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...Democrats won’t vote for Obama-Biden
by: Vince Bergado
10. The Green party is more attractive to liberals that have gotten used to having no impact in national politics
9. Hillary used a more effective fist-bump with her spouse
8. Biden is so old he once saw Roosevelt give a speech on TV
7. Never before has there been a VP the American people could fantasize about
6. He’s so Euro that he will commission a techno remix of the national anthem for all White House events.
5. Trigger-happy is now the most important qualification for a VP
4. McCain will provide better material for the Onion
3. Liberals get anxious when they don’t have something to complain about
2. He won’t wear the flag pin because he has always preferred the hammer and sickle cufflinks
1. Ignorance.
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... reasons to be a poet
by: Samantha Lê
10. People excuse your eccentricities.
9. Everything you have to say has already been said better by someone dead-- no need to try too hard.
8. Alcohol is your friend.
7. You can talk to yourself in public.
6. You are expected to give in to temptations.
5. Bathing is optional.
4. If no one comes to your reading, you can claim to be misunderstood.
3. No need for matching socks.
2. Counting syllables is a sport.
1. Making money is considered selling out.
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… reasons to vote in this election
by: Samantha Lê
10. It makes you feel like your opinion matters, even if no one listens to you in real life.
9. You get to take time off from work.
8. You get an “I voted” sticker.
7. The voting booths are romantically cramp.
6. It will give you something to talk about.
5. You can stop for lunch after you’re done.
4. It’s a good way to meet and catch up with your neighbors.
3. Brad Pitt does it and so does Puff Daddy.
2. It’s a chance to make-up for marking the wrong box in the last election.
1. It's a chance to rock the red, white and blue look.
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